Friday, April 1, 2011

RIP Photogzilla

PZN has learned our sexy chief has left the building. Earlier today, he tweeted the following: "All. Plz forgiv me. Really tired now. I'm sorry. Lost my way. Finished w/all this. Over it. Onto bettr things. Lov u all. See ya."

We have no further details.

R.I.P. Photogzilla.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Ask Jesh De Rox How You Too Can Get High For Only $16,500

Jesh De Rox. What the hell happened to you? That's the question we were asking in our minds last night. In fact, we've been wondering that about Jesh for years now. And we know thousands of photographers have been waiting for our beloved Photogzilla to chime in. Yes. Pun intended right therrr. And more puns to follow. Cause we can't help it.

So some quick background for those who were confused when they checked into their beloved Twitter accounts yesterday. We had Zack Arias (@zarias) going off on Jesh de Rox (@jeshderox#onedaywithjeshinstead) for offering a one day one-on-one consultation to photographers for the price of a pimped out Hyundai. We want to thank Zack for giving our sexy editor in chief the night off.

Jesh is a photoshop student who bought a camera some years back. He refers to himself as the crying experimental photographer. Ok. He doesn't refer to himself as 'crying,' but we take liberty in applying that. Cause he cries. A lot. Show him a girl in a chair. He'll cry. Show him a brick. He'll cry. Show him toilet paper. He'll cry. You get the point. So he's an 'experimental experientialiasticexpialadocious photographer.' You know. Like an experimental experientialiasticexpialadocious doctor. Experimental Experientialiasticexpialadocious lawyer. Experimental Experientialiasticexpialadocious paramedic. You have to pray things turn out at the end. And if it doesn't, it still does. Cause hey, just slap the word art on it and you're done. Right? In Jesh's case, a layer of dirty concrete with about 10% opacity. Oh hell. Take it up to 20%. Don't forget to play with the little color sliders. Go crazy. Um. Well. You decide. Anyway.

Over the last week or so, Jesh spammed emails across the vast internet inviting photographers to watch a live presentation he wanted to give about what he calls the Beloved. More on that in a minute. Where he got so many emails, that's a whole different question. From his Twitter, apparently over 3500 photogs registered to watch. It was password protected and all. Basic email address collecting for future marketing spam. No problemo.

The presentation was about a product he's trying to move. The Beloved Potpourri Box. It has dried up ferns, pine cones, berries, thistles, thyme, British Columbia weed, and maybe some oregano. Oh. And 30 4x6 photos printed on card stock as a bonus. There's some gibberish written on the back of each photo. "Blow in her ear. Now click the button." And "Stare into her eyes. Think about straddling each other. On a horse. Now click the shutter. Don't forget to cry." And our favorite "Tell the guy to put one of his hands in her shirt. Tell him to cup her. Tell her to close her eyes. Tell them both to pretend they are laying on a vibrating bed. Without any quarters. And their kitten died. Cry again. Now click the shutter." Things like that. So the photos give you some direction to give to the subjects. All for the bargain basement price of $295.

Now, we know there are morons who will pay that price for potpourri. But we think it's the BC Bud in the box that's really adding value here. Our take is if you did buy this box, you probably qualify for a slap thyself hard in thy beloved face. Or maybe we need a savvy drug dealer. But the fun doesn't stop here.

Of course, Jesh started talking about a movement of expressing emotion in a photo. A whole new genre of photography. Something that's never been done before. Over a 125 years of photography. And we don't understand how this wasn't thought of before. What a fucking revolution of epic proportion.

You take a photo. Then you explain to people what was happening. Without an explanation, it's just another, well, photo. Let's see some visuals. Shall we?

Sample 1 Beloved Session - This one is called "Man Hide Face Blow In Her Ear Oh Where's Your Hand Naughty Boy" 

Sample 2 Beloved Session - This one is called "I Lose Composition You Think It's Hilarious Wind Blowing Up The Hill Shit Fuck Shit I Lost Focus"

Sample 3 Beloved Session - This one is called "Think About How Jacked Up It Was Your Parents Didn't Let You Attend Your Middle School Halloween Dance"

To be honest. These photos don't make us think there's much of a revolution going on here. Oh. Yeah. So he added the word Revolution to the Beloved. Sadly, the marketing effort to stir up a revolution similar to Egypts recent actual revolution has fallen short. Photographers haven't exactly taken to the streets. But they certainly did last night on Twitter.

The beloved shit that hit the fan was when the normal come-hither-for-free-seminar-but-a-sales-pitch-at-the-end was coming to a close. Besides the products like the useless Beloved Potpourri Box for $295, Jesh pitched one of his workshops for a one on one consultation. Normally this goes for the already bargain price of $20,000, but if you act now, Jesh would spend an entire day with you, and maybe even throw in some fish tacos, for a sale price of $16,500. One. On. One. With. Jesh. De. Rox. Only for Sixteen Thousand, Five Hundred Dollars. Do we need to spell that out again?

WTF to the tenth power. Here's our sexy beloved rockstar, Photogzilla:

"I nearly fell off my beloved stationary 10-speed bike while watching Dancing With The Stars on my DVR. What the fuck can you possibly teach me in one day that could be worth $16,500? Perceived value is bull shit. Perceive my left nut please. While we have people who are trying to be a professional photographer walking around with glazed over eyeballs making emotional commitments to workshops and lessons being taught by braintards with less than a handful of years of experience (breathe), we have a high as a kite idiot fooling other idiots. Jesh DeRox needs a consultation with Jesh DeTox to clean out his system. I hope he's staying away from operating any heavy machinery. The asinine price cannot be debated. Don't even try."

We encourage a free market. People can buy whatever they want. They do all the time. But that's not the point we're making here. Services disguised as education fall extremely short as it is. From newbs to professionals, a bad idea is a bad idea. If it quacks like an idiot, it probably is Jesh-like people going on for hours and hours talking up fluff. Making little to no sense, hoping you get lost in the same psychedelic emotional feel good moment. And then take your credit card. There goes that shiny new lens you could have invested in instead. In this one-on-one case, about 2 pro DSLR bodies, 5 gorgeous lenses, a template website, and some business cards. Hey. You're a pro by nightfall.

We know for a fact that Jesh's approach to selling whatever he's selling is not only foolish, but unethical. If you don't want to actually sell the service, you put an ass-tronomical price on it. Maybe some big idiot fish will bite. However, we don't encourage anyone to participate in such misleading practices of inflated pricing to try to look important. When in fact you can't even deliver on it.

Some more unethical practices. It's done by not only fools we've talked about before, such as Dane Sanders (organizing fluff seminars that always fail) and Jasmine Star (stealing other photographer's work to market herself or using a fake last name to sound important), but Jesh is trying to be a little sneaky about it too. One would think original ideas would come from the person passing it along as his own. We've already discussed the original idea of the very legs Beloved stands on. Revolutionary idea it's not. Prove us wrong. Photogzilla welcomes a public debate. But PZ sexy does have a huge speaking fee. How about plagiarizing someone else's ideas and words to pass off as your own. David Jay's entire talks are nothing but lines he's taken out of self-help books. So Jesh giving an interview without even referencing his source so he could easily make himself sound smarter than the average bear shouldn't be so bad either. Ethical? You decide. How many other ideas has he ripped and charged others to regurgitate? Photographer Julia Bailey shared the following example:

Exhibit A from julia bailey on Vimeo.

Jesh ends with "one of the things I say." No sir. YOU don't say anything it seems like. You repeat what you hear. But nice attempt to make the idea sound like your own. You are bordering on the realm of fraud. Strong word. Don't worry. You're in good company.

Ironically. Our old friend Dane Sanders is in the same video too. Guilty by association. This is the Fasttrack master himself. So maybe Jesh's $16,500 can WarpSpeed you to the upper echelons of photography businesses everywhere. To the point you won't have to shoot EVER again. Dane Sanders hardly does. And neither does Jesh. At least we haven't seen any proof to the contrary. Jesh hasn't had a wedding client since September 27, 2008. 2nd WTF.

Ironic. So many of these workshop seminar overnight successful business in a Fasttrack Potpourri package sellers don't seem to shoot that much at all or have very little to qualify them as an experienced professional. Experience seems to have taken a backseat. Marketing and the number of social network friends & followers seems to be the measure of success. Not actual ongoing on the job experience. Let alone thousands of hours mastering your craft.

Is Jesh a nice guy? Sure. Everyone can be nice. Look at Photogzilla. He's super nice to every hot girl just so he can get into her pants. Nice means shit at the end of the day. Let's start practicing some humility in how we conduct ourselves as newb or pro photographers. Sure you'll make some money in the short term taking advantage of naive newbs. But at the end of the day, you fall into the category of asshole. If you genuinely want to educate others and charge for it, educate yourself til you bleed and then teach. Many years later. Many many years. Say at least 10,000 hours of on the job experience if you need to quantify/qualify yourself.

In closing, we would like to go ahead and let you know that Photogzilla is now offering an all day one-on-one phone consultation. He will talk your ear off for 8+ hours talking about his feelings, throw in a crying session or seven, and promise to follow you on Twitter. Regular price is $50,000. But first person to take advantage of this once in a lifetime opportunity will get the bargain price of $25,000. That's half off! He's even going to throw in a couple of male, female, or hermaphrodite strippers. Your choice.

Keep Stalking Photogzilla!

Friday, February 25, 2011

WPPI 2011 Review of Speakers Survey: Keeping Them Honest

The staff at PZN consists of mostly party loving underachievers that can't seem to stay on track when it comes to assignments taking place in the great city of Las Vegas (and we're greatly understaffed btw). However, out of thousands of people that  descended on sin city this past week, we know there are a few photogs out there that actually were coherent enough to not only attend the different speeches & presentations, but managed to remember what was said and by whom. These unsung heroes are the voices we want to hear from.

PZN invites you to submit a review of any speaker that you, the person who paid their hard earned money in hopes of injecting a moment of nirvana in your professional photography career. We are now in the process of collecting as many survey submissions by as many photographers as possible. This data will be compiled and shared with the rest of the world in the next PZN post. Our goal is not only to help other photographers get honest answers to questions everyone asks, but also the speakers/presenters themselves so they understand if they are truly succeeding or failing miserably.

You may take the survey below for as many speakers as you wish. If you would like to email our sexy editor Photogzilla Rockstar your thoughts, you're welcome to submit your write up to photogzilla AT GMAIL.

Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey, the world's leading questionnaire tool.

Bobbi & Mike, Lindsay Adler, Suzette Allen, Kevin Ames, Jared Bauman, Becker, Jules Bianchi & Joy Bianchi Brown, Clay Blackmore, Gary & Pamela Box, Sue Bryce, Joe Buissink, Jonathan Canlas, Bambi Cantrell, David & Quin Cheung, Sal Cincotta, Bob & Dawn Davis, Jack Davis, Jesh DeRox, Jerry Deck & Sondra Ayers, JP Elario, Nancy Emmerich & Rose Coleman, Kay Eskridge, Rick Ferro, Deanne Fitzmaurice, Beth Forester, Mike Fulton & Cody Clinton, Jim Garner, Jerry Ghionis, Greg Gibson, Michael Gilbert, Doug Gordon, Mitch Graf, Michael Grecco, Michael Greenberg, Jason Groupp, Craig Heidermann, Gene Ho, Bruce & Josh Hudson, Jennifer Hudson, Vincent Isola, Kevin Jairaj & JVS, Andrew Jenkins & Jackie Palmer, Kenny Kim, Julieanne Kost, Kevin Kubota, Jill LaFleur, Tamara Lackey, Mike Larson, Lisa Lefkowitz, Rodney Lough Jr., Justin & Mary Marantz, Cliff Mautner, David McLain, Elizabeth Messina, John Mireles, Dave Montizambert, Patrick & Amina Moreau, Lori Nordstrom, Bryan O'Neil Hughes, Louis Pang, Jessie Pavlics, Sarah Petty, Blair & Suzanne Phillips, Jared Platt, Me Ra Koh, Jamie Schultz, Dawn Shields, Ken Sklute, Brian Smith, Jasmine Star, Susan Stripling, Jeffrey T. Medford & Ross Hockrow, Eddie Tapp, Vicki Taufer, Damon Tucci, Roberto Valenzuela, Anthony Vazquez, Jose Villa, Kirk Voclain, Alan Weiner, Ron Wyatt

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Pimp The Official Photogzilla Sexy Collection: 100% to Charity, Not Lame Ass 10%

At PZN, we not only employ a great team of illiterate writers & lazy researchers, we are also fortunate enough to have some of the most kick-ass fashion designers & stylists working to dress Photogzilla each day. It's part of the rockstar persona we need to stay on top of. Some call it branding. We call it sexy-hotness-others-can-envy. After all, the chief carries his back-up equipment in Louis Vuitton luggage.

Working through repeated beatings, near fatal injuries, illness, and harsh, but necessary verbal abuse from our sexy chief PZ along the way, our fashion designers have finally released a whole slew of options for your consideration. This all arrives just in time for all those attending WPPI this year in Las Vegas. Oh. What. A. Treat.

Before you begin perusing the gallery and grabbing up every single design, we want to let you know a few things.

There are some other morons out there who are trying to sell T-shirts and then trying to sound as if they are helping charity by donating a percentage of sales. For example, an original on-his-knees-cradle-your-ballz-for-free photographer, is promising to donate 10% of sales to a church. When the shirt costs you $20, that 10% only translates to $2. Sounds very noble at first, but in a cheap sort of way it isn't. What makes no sense, the shirt you're wearing is advertising another photographer. We can't seem to understand the logic as to why any photographer would promote another photographer. Maybe someone can fill us in. After all, we've never seen Photogzilla wear his McDonald's uniform when he would go to his second shift at In-&-Out.

Of course, with the Photozilla Sexy Collection, you won't be advertising another business. You're making a statement. If it isn't obvious, we at PZN like to make a statement and we know all of our loyal readers like to do the same. It's called doing the right thing. After all, we rocked the industry when we rode into town, and now, at WPPI we want everyone man, woman, and child to rock the MGM Grand halls with Photogzilla style.

Most importantly until WPPI, we are offering the Official Photogzilla Sexy T-Shirts with 100% of all profits to a charity. Yes. You read that correctly. 100%. We'd say 100% in other languages to emphasize the point, but unfortunately, we are limited to English. So whatever 'nada' + 100 equals, say it.

Not only do we like to kick the asses of lame photographers, but we like to kick-ass in general in everything we do. Hopefully, we can help raise some money for the less fortunate, and that's quite kick-ass.

We've also done our best to keep costs as low as possible, but if our staff wants a raise for their so-called hard work, maybe we'll just throw them an extra slice of Wonder Bread.

To help you get your rocking new wardrobe in time for WPPI, place your order by Feb 4, 2011 and use the code CUPIDSHIP to get free shipping on orders over $30 bucks. So if you get 2 sexy T-shirts, shipping is paid for (expired code). Go crazy. We've got several designs to choose from, so you'll have plenty of options to ponder over. And don't worry. If you don't order by the 4th, you'll still get your new shirts within 3-5 days of ordering. You'll just miss out on the free shipping.

We wouldn't be satisfied if you aren't. If you have design ideas we should beat our fashion designers with, let us know. We'll see what we can do.

Finally, don't forget to take your new official Photogzilla T-shirts to Vegas and rock it every chance you get. Take photos of you and your friends sporting it at every WPPI class, speech, shootout, workshop, tradeshow, or party. Lastly, make sure you take a picture along with your favorite speakers as you sport your Photogzilla attire. We want to see some memorable moments.

Best part is Photogzilla will be watching. Let's see what happens then...

The Details:
-Total of 4 Designs (for now)
-Color and Black & White options for 3 of the designs
-Most Designs Available on Front or Back of Shirts
-Sizes for Men, Women, & even Women's Slim.
-Short & Full Sleeve Options
-Total of 66 Variations (yeah, we sweat blood for you)

The Official Photogzilla Sexy T-Shirt Store:
Over $30 Gets Free Shipping Coupon (Expires 2/4/11): CUPIDSHIP
Take a peak now. You know you want to.

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